wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I looked at my own cervix.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
