Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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