I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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