Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
