I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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