remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
