hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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