The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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