yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
