that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
