if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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