You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
