don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
