just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
