he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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