I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
