One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Who put my cat in the fridge?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
