I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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