best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
