margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This gyro tastes like lonliness
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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