you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
