So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
