What a fucking waste of an outfit
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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