Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
