When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
