Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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