Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
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Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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