Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
