just tell him i said nine months
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
