Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
