did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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