like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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