You can't special order awesome
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it's like heaven, but drunker
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
