I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
