my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
