I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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