I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
