Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
As shirtless as possible
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
