SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
