clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
