dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
