I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Randomize
