His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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