You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
