Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
