Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
