her vagine was all disorganized.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
