just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
