i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
