how hairy? two words: wookie tits
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
