i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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