What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
