I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You are a booty call, not a friend.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
