three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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