Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
