I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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